


10 Things Mssrs. Sheppard and McKay Are No Longer Allowed to Do

by RavenclawProngs



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M, Retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-13
Updated: 2015-11-13
Packaged: 2018-05-01 10:23:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5202308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawProngs/pseuds/RavenclawProngs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Old age and retirement don't mean these two will wreck any less havoc, it's just on a smaller scale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	10 Things Mssrs. Sheppard and McKay Are No Longer Allowed to Do

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Brumeier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brumeier/gifts).



> This is for Brumeier because zir the reason I started writing it in the first place. Comment-thread here: http://archiveofourown.org/comments/33523998

_1\. Wheelchair racing is strictly disallowed when other residents are attempting to sleep._ The only reason it wasn’t banned entirely is because John’s winsome smile hasn’t lost any of its effectiveness for being surrounded by wrinkles and they got almost all the residents to sign a petition for wheelchair racing competitions. They have teams and everything. There’s talk of getting jerseys made. Maybe themed suspenders.

_2\. No one is allowed to grind their medications into Kool-Aid (or any other beverage) and pretend they are part of a suicide cult._ It seemed funny at the time, but Mrs. Garibaldi has never forgiven them.

_3\. Pouring bubble bath, adding bath bombs, “fizzies,” or colorful liquids to the outdoor therapy pools is forbidden._ The residents loved it, but the maintenance crew was another story entirely.

_4\. The same goes for the fountain._ See item #3.

_5\. Shower crayons are permitted only in the **shower**. It doesn’t matter that they’re made of soap and therefore completely washable._ Rodney was very disappointed by this one; John had gotten him a package of soap crayons as a gag and he loved having a writing utensil at hand when he got an idea in the shower. John just used them to make obscene stick figures. It was probably mostly the stick figures that got this item on the list.

_6\. Stop messing with the PA system._ The less said about this one, the better.

_7\. Mashed potatoes are for eating, not sculpting with. Neither are they for flinging; stop having foods fights in the dining hall._ The Mashed Potato Wars of 2065 were epic, though. The Battle of the Green Bean would forever live in infamy.

_8\. No making out in the hall. They are for passing from one area to another, not loitering in._ This one just seemed kind of petty. Rodney wanted to argue about that one, and he even would have had a case, until the head nurse pointed out that “No loitering” was actually a rule across the board. Rodney learned to pick his battles a long time ago and this one just wasn’t worth it.

_9\. We have security guards for a reason; it is highly unlikely that our residents need to be able to defend themselves from attack using only their mobility aides. Teaching other residents self-defense is only permissible in the gym, with appropriate supervision._ John started holding a class for any interested parties three times a week. Much to Rodney’s annoyance, it was much more popular than Rodney’s class on “Basic Physics.” John reminded Rodney that “Basic” meant that you shouldn’t need a Master’s to understand it. Rodney argued that, given all the PhD’s, MD’s, JD’s etc. that their retirement home housed, no one should have trouble with keeping up with his class. John just smiled to himself and leaned against a wall to watch Rodney continue to rant.

_10\. The sprinkler system is not a toy._ This rule came about due to an incident involving #6, “It’s Raining Men” put on repeat, and a large, inflatable pool toy shaped like a giraffe. Rodney refuses to speak about it point blank and John cackles so hard he crumples to the floor. The details are kept in a file in the security guard’s desk, behind a locked door and titled, innocuously, “Weekly Pool Cleaning Schedule.” The security chief reads it sometimes when she needs a good laugh and the ability to read the file in public without cracking a smile is now a prerequisite for dealing with John and Rodney, separately and especially together.

 

Scrawled on the bottom of the list:

_**Stop putting glitter in the ventilation system!! ~~Oh god, it’s everywhere.~~** Glitter is hereby banned, full stop._ The head nurse didn’t even react when she got covered head to toe in sparkle, but the new candy striper just next to her burst in to tears of happiness and started dancing through the halls and hugging the residents. He’s now been permanently assigned to dealing with John and Rodney. No one’s quite sure if that’s a good thing. The head nurse refuses to comment but has been heard muttering “created a monster…” and “corrupting today's youth” since that administrative decision.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't think of anything else! But I like the way I managed to finish this off. If anyone else wants to come up with shenanigans these two ought to not be getting up to, feel free. And let me know, I love that shit.


End file.
